Earlier this morning, I went to Abong-abong to reflect myself of what I’ve done to my best friend, to my friends especially to my family. I regret of what I’ve done because this isn’t me anymore. I’m different now… My best friend is right… She’s just telling herself the truth and she tried herself to be a good friend…
I got out of my nerves that time because I went wild when somebody needs something and doesn’t reply you for 10 times, you’ll get mad… That’s when our friendship stated to get blur…
When I went there I realize something… Obviously, the place has change since I my last visit 5 years ago. 5 years ago, my friends before aren’t the friends you used to hang out. They’re different and they aren’t my friends, they’re using me for any purpose. They want me to change me to good to bad and they did, I went mean, I sometimes get into trouble and almost lost myself until 1 day, I realized that I wasn’t myself anymore… So I tried to change it… but it’s hard… I have no place to go but to my parents… but it wasn’t good enough… So I went to Abong-abong to reflect myself and ask “Puwede ba yo kambya?” (Can I be change?). Back then, I was wishing for something but it’s not a thing, it’s someone who can be trust on, always on by my side and share my innermost secrets. Then, I realized I was wishing for a best friend… This is silly because I was holding a 1 peso coin that time and I threw it for that wish and I ask myself in a few moments “Loko ba yo? Hahaha (laughing) Tan wish yo kay chene yo best friend… (Laugh out Loud) Byen loko gat yo hente. hahaha” and suddenly I was crying without a reason… I never told this story to someone, not even my siblings, my parents, even my best friend because if I told them, I know what is there reaction “Loko ya ka Tennyl?”
After 5 years, I went back to the same place where I was reflect myself. I ask the same question again “Ya kambya ya yo pero… ya keda gat yo malo” I was knew that I won’t be change until I close my eyes and cry… cry until I talk to myself… “Ara, ya pwede ya yo sabe kosa di miyo pakamali di miyo pero di pisil gat keda bweno… Ta pikura yo kambya pero egual lang sempre… Miyo Tata pati Nana rabyaw sila kumigo kay byen rabyoso yo pirmi. Si Hedda rabyaw kumigo kay mga kosa di miyo ablada kunele kay ele el hinde ta keda bweno best friend… Bensaba yo sila el mali… pero iyo gane el mali… iyo el chene kulpa hinde sila… Maskin chene hinde bweno nagkaraan di miyo mga erpats pero hinde yo dapat rabya kel kay kabaw ya kel… Si kosa sila palta kumigo, hinde yo dapat man blame kundi iyo dapat kay iyo el palta kunila… Kun Hedda dapat hinde yo man blame kunele kay maskin kosa le ase, hente lang le syempre… Iyo el mali, kay hinde yo ya keda bweno amigo pati ermano di su yu… Iyo el palta aki… Si kosa el di miyo mali Hedz, patawad… Tan sisi ya yo el mga di miyo… sana man patawad ya tu kumigo pati dale tu kumigo last chance…”
I kept crying until I pray… “Lord, pasyensa ya… byen malo gat yo… hinde gat yo bweno hente… salamat kay ya dele tu kumigo best friend pero…dibolbe yo kuntigo el di miyo wish na chene yo best friend kay hinde yo karapad dapat… hinde yo y keda bweno amigo…”. My eyes kept close until I dream something… I’m still in the same place but totally different until I heard a voice… “Tennyl…” I was wondering who was that and he kept talking to me… “Tennyl, el mga kulpa di tu ay hinde dapat na keda tu malo… Tali ye el di tu yu mga kulpa pero hinde tu se ase keda ali na di tu yu corason. Tan sisi ya tu kosa el mga kulpa pero hinde pa se ya kaba Tennyl, puwede pa tu man pidi pasyensya pero nesisita tu kambya pati spera. Destiny will tell you when will it be.” I was crying of what he had said and he continues about me and my best friend… “Tennyl, si Hedda rabyaw pati hinde le kuntigo ta ase kaso kay hinde lang tu yan diskusya el di su yu personalidad pati ya ase tu duwele el di su yu corason. El di su yu corason ara byen fuego le kuntigo pero adrento pa del di su yu ko corason, chene pa le amor kuntigo kay etu el di su yu best friend. Rabyaw le apwera pero adrento byen triste le kay porke tu ya keda ancina kunele. You apologized of what you have done to her and you ask her forgiveness but she didn’t give you, porke? Hinde lang pasenysa le kere, pati di tu yu kustumbre ase kambya. Alya le puwede dale el di tu yu forgiveness…” I realized of what he had said but something bothers me… is this true or just a dream… I ask him “Chene ba yo chance na kambya pati alegre?” He answer only in a few words “It is in you Tennyl. Choose the right path and there you will be realized” I kept asking… “Is this God who is talking to me?” Then in a few moment, I open my eyes and I realized of what he said that I should be change. Even thought its hard, at least I tried to change what was wrong but I can change in the future.
I felt happy all of a sudden. Maybe I was realized that why should I’ll be lonely while I’ll should be happy. Why should I’ll be frustrated while I’ll should calm down. Why should I’ll be angry while I’ll should be understand and calm myself. Why should I’ll be hurt while I’ll should be proud for them.
I know it’s hard to ask her forgiveness but I’ll wait and change what I was wrong. Even thought you’re ignoring me, I’ll stop always to saying “Hello, Ketal?, Hi, Have a nice day, or even BFF” to you best friend because you’re still my best friend what ever happens and I will always care for you. That’s my promise. :D
